Thoughts on having baby #2.

(This post has been sitting here as a draft for a few weeks, waiting around for me to step up and post it. Today is the day, I guess! Also, this is not a pregnancy announcement!)

Talking about having another baby feels really vulnerable and personal, yet somehow people still ask, "So, when are you going to have another?" fairly often. I don't mind that question, especially from close friends, but there were times I remember people asking during Norah's first year of life (whom I didn't know well) and it made me feel uncomfortable. Before Norah turned one, I had no desire to be pregnant again, yet, and still felt like I was learning how to be a mom to one.

I know lots of people have kids close together, and however many kids you want to have and however close you want to have them is completely up to your family (well, really up to God's timing), and that's great. There were times when people asked me early on if we were going to have another soon, and it made me feel bad. Should I be wanting another already? Is there something wrong with me that I don't want another yet since everyone keeps bringing it up? The answer is no, and I learned that over time. I had a friend bring this topic up to me too, because someone asked her the same question when her first baby was just a few weeks old. You are still recovering from labor at that point! Holy cow.

I was talking to Kley about this last night, because the conversation of having more kids is on the rise (not that I am going to discuss that on the blog, because that's personal to our family), but it was an interesting conversation. We know we want more children, but now that it's getting closer, it just made me fearful last night. I know your heart just magically swells somehow and you love all your children the same, but I was thinking about how I could love another baby like I love Norah. I know I will and I logically know that's kind of silly, but I was thinking it.

I often forget that Norah will grow up. That sounds crazy, but when I think of having more children I sometimes think of just multiplying the "needy" stage. For instance, today I am taking care of some other children too, so for a few hours today I will have an almost 3 year old, 17 month old, 13 month old, and 11 month old in my house. That's a lot of neediness, so sometimes my vision is narrow because that's what I know right now. But, Norah will grow up to go to school. There will be a day when she'd rather hang out with her friends than me. Sadness. (But that's also good, because growing up is good too.)

Motherhood is such a roller coaster. I love these first years so so much, but they are also demanding, which makes me scared to have more. But then I think about Norah growing up and not needing me so much anymore, and I just want to keep being needed.

I don't really have a solution or a logical thought process to this post, but I'm sure I'm not alone in wondering/worrying about having more children. It was comforting because this morning I read Matthew 6:25-34, where it talks about not worrying because worrying won't add to your life and God will take care of you. I need to remind myself of that often! So, whenever we do have another baby, I know we will be excited and so thankful. Scared too, but that comes with the parenting territory! It's scary to raise children, but it's the best and so worth it and so rewarding. Every pregnancy and child is a miracle!

(This topic came up in conversation with friends the other day, after writing this but before posting, and some advice given was, "If you know you want to have more kids, just get pregnant again before you chicken out!" I thought that was good advice, considering what I was thinking about, and funny how the timing worked!)