Sunday, November 2, 2014

Life with a newborn.

Norah is 10 days old today, so that pretty much makes me a mom expert, right?

Absolutely not. I wish I was, but I am learning and trying!

Being a new mom is absolutely incredible, but it's also a very overwhelming time. Combine that with the large amounts of hormones running through you after giving birth can make for a few/some/a lot of emotional times, depending on who you are and your personality. (I am not referring to postpartum depression, just the normal emotions.)

Personally, since Norah has been born, I have cried about twice a day. That feels really personal to reveal, but I also want to be honest. The tears come much quicker than normal (I tend to process many different emotions through crying), and sometimes for no apparent reason. I cried because I couldn't figure out what was wrong with her. I cried because she smiled at me. I cried thinking about her growing up. I cried thinking about moving away from my family soon. I cried because I fell into comparison at our halloween party and was feeling like a failure because the other couple who just had a baby looked more put together than we did. I cried simply thinking about the fact that she is ours forever.

I am so so happy to have Norah here and to be her mom. I think what scares me the most is the uncertainty of what's to come and what my days will be like now. I have always dreamed of being a stay at home mom, and I am so grateful to be able to stay home. I have also always been a planned, predictable, type A person, so having a baby who throws that out the window is scary sometimes. I have spent time worrying and researching about baby routines and baby scheduling, and I think I just need to let it go and pray more instead of researching.

I have moments where I feel like I am getting the hang of it, and moments where I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing. I think both are okay, and thankfully, the moments where I feel like we are getting the hang of it are happening more and more often. I am super glad to have Kley as my partner on this journey and that we can do this together. (Even as I am typing this, I had to stop for awhile and try to comfort Norah, and it wasn't working, and Kley just took her and she calmed down in a few minutes. Partners are awesome, and Kley is especially awesome.)

Is it worth it? Without a doubt. I wouldn't trade where we are now for anything.

This morning I had a very peaceful reassurance from God that this is where He has me now, and all I can do is try my best. He reminded me that this time is for me to serve Norah, and by doing that I am also serving Him. Norah is ours, and she needs us a lot right now, which reminds me of how much we need Him.

I am so grateful that we get to serve and love Norah. It's incredible how much He loves her- even more than we do. 


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