Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Living in the moment.

These last few days at school have been hard/long for me. You know when a big change is coming and that looming feeling you have over you (which can be both good or bad)? I definitely feel that. With being 36.5 weeks pregnant, to only having 2.5 more weeks of work left, to the impending arrival of baby De Jong...I definitely feel like huge change is ahead, which I am really looking forward to. I have always wanted to be a mom.

But, that is also making these days just creep by and feel really long. I have felt like I have been praying less and complaining more lately, and I don't like that or want that to be true. I selfishly just want to fast forward these next few weeks until I am done working and holding our little one. That is the worst, because I have definitely learned the hard way that discontentment is a really bad place to be. It inhibits so many things in life, especially my relationship with God. Whenever I want to fast forward (or rewind) time, I find myself discontent, which means I am more easily prone to complaining, whining, or just being grumpy.

I felt that today a lot- like the work day was endless and I just wanted to be done (especially since I dealt with several intense tantrums). Even though today wasn't the best and I came home feeling really worn out/tired/defeated, I don't want that to ruin the rest of my night or go into tomorrow with negative feelings (even though that can be hard sometimes).

I want to enjoy these last few days of work with my kids/coworkers, because I truly am blessed to work at such a great school. It has been an amazing place for me to grow spiritually and professionally. I love my kids and I love what I do. I want to soak up these last moments with them.

I want to enjoy these last couple weeks of pregnancy (however long I have left), and treasure the amazing moments where I get to feel this little one move. What an incredible feeling that's unlike anything else. Even though I feel uncomfortable at times, I am so grateful to be pregnant and that we are healthy.

There are big changes coming (really soon!) for us, and I am excited/anxious for them, but I don't want to lose this time I have now by wishing for something else/feeling discontent. I want to live these last days in the moment- embracing both my last days at school and my last days with this baby inside me.

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