Contentment.

I think one of Satan's best traits to ensnare you is subtlety. Subtlety pulling on your heart, turning a desire into discontent, turning feeling happy for someone else into feeling sorry for yourself, twisting you so slowly until you don't realize how tangled you are until it's too late.

I fall trap to this way too easily and way too often. God, help me guard my heart, to only allow YOU to have influence in my life.

Recently, I have found out that numerous people I know are pregnant. I have met several new adorable babies that my friends have had. Today we had brunch with some friends in their new house they just bought and are having fun decorating.

And then exaggeration kicks in. Then it seem like ALL of your friends are buying houses and EVERYONE you know and see is pregnant. But that's not true. And even if it was, I have to be content that it's not our time yet.

When it's something you want, it's not hard to be truly happy for them. I really am. What's hard is to not let it influence me and turn my desires into discontent.

Wanting a house and a baby is a good thing, but not when I am discontent with where I am now. It's a straight sin to think that having those things will make me happy. IT WILL NOT. Whenever I have a baby, there will always be something else. Maybe something not going well with that child. Maybe wanting another child. Whenever we get a house, there will always be nicer and bigger houses.

NOTHING will make me happy except trusting fully in Christ. Having a baby and a house will not make me happy. It never will. Not by itself.

Hebrews 13:5: Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you."

Philippians 4:11-13: I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all things through Him who gives me strength."

1 Timothy 6:6-7: For godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into this world, and we can take nothing out of it.

Matthew 6:31-33: So do not worry, saying, "What shall we eat?" or "What shall we drink?" or "What shall we wear?" For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first His kindgom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

I want to be like Paul when he said he has learned to be content in any and every situation. I want to seek first His kingdom, because my Father knows what I need. When I seek Him, I will be filled. Earthly things will always keep me wanting and seeking more. Only Jesus is the true fulfiller.

I'm not saying that I hate my life, please don't take that away. I truly do love the stage of life we are in right now. Me teaching, Kley in law school, living in an apartment. This is the stage God has led us to, and I am grateful. I do love my life. I love Kley, the school he is working so hard through, and my job. But I do admit that sometimes I struggle with wanting to move to the next stage. But I have to be careful, because I don't want to always be wanting more and to miss out on all the great that I have right now.

I do want a baby and a house. But more importantly I want Jesus and to be content in Him and where He has called us. I believe God gave me the desire to be a mom and homemaker, and that is a good thing. But even though that is not where I am now, and even if that is never where I end up, I have a great life and I am content with that.

I am thankful for my apartment.

I am thankful for my man, and for my job and his law school. 

As a great friend, mentor, and second dad (David Groen) told me often: "Only one life will soon be past, only what's done for Christ will last." No one cares where you lived or what job you had, what only matters is what I did/do for HIM.