Thursday, October 13, 2016

It really won't last forever.

But sometimes those moments feel like they just might.

This is my public reminder to keep perspective and tell myself that everything is a stage and nothing will last forever. I absolutely love being a mom and am so grateful to be able to stay home. I always wanted to do it and I wouldn't trade it for anything. I usually feel like there's so much to do, see, and get done, both with Norah and with household stuff, but this week has felt somewhat monotonous/long.

I am trying to take Norah to the bathroom more in attempts to potty train her more. Basically, she is poop trained but not potty trained. She will sometimes go on the potty, but we just need to be more consistent. I should probably just try underwear, but that makes me scared to get pee everywhere, so basically I need to get my own panties out of a bunch for her to try them. (I liked that joke there, ha ha to myself.) This means lots more time sitting on the bathroom floor, singing the same songs and reading the same books, and talking so much about "big poopies" and "water." Norah thinks every poop she ever goes is big and she calls her pee water, which I think is funny.

Yesterday I felt frustrated sitting by her little toilet so much, and today I felt frustrated that we had about an hour period before nap where Norah was not a good listener, to put it nicely. I actually had a thought to myself that the terrible twos were embarking upon our house like a dark cloud and briefly envisioned the next entire year of our lives being like that hour.

All too often, I need a reminder to snap myself out of negative thinking like that. Just because you have a bad hour, doesn't mean you have a bad day. Just because you have a bad week, doesn't mean you will have a bad month. Even if that hour really did turn into an entire year, it's only a year. Norah will far too soon be 5, 10, 15, and 20.

Sometimes being so needed is draining in the moment, but when I think big picture, I really love it and it's endearing. It makes me sad, in a way, to think about Norah becoming older and more independent. There's a raw, intense beauty to being so consistently needed. Yes, you need to recharge sometimes, but I'm so glad to be the one that gets to be there for her.

And there's always beauty after the storm too, isn't there? After a rough time today, Norah came up to me, unprovoked, and said she was sorry and gave me a big hug, and I welled with tears. Sometimes it's hard to tell if they are really getting it, but they so are. (Even if it takes a long time to show.)

I read Psalm 19 awhile back, and verses 7-9 have really stuck with me and I have reread them numerous times. I want to trust in the Lord to help me parent how I should. I can't do it well without Him. I want His word to refresh my soul, to make me wise, to bring joy to my heart and light to my eyes. And I really hope and pray, despite my failures, that Norah will see those things in me too.

The law of the Lord is perfect,
    refreshing the soul.
The statutes of the Lord are trustworthy,
    making wise the simple.
The precepts of the Lord are right,
    giving joy to the heart.
The commands of the Lord are radiant,
    giving light to the eyes.
The fear of the Lord is pure,
    enduring forever.
The decrees of the Lord are firm,
    and all of them are righteous.

I'll end with this adorable picture from when Norah was 6 weeks old. Because it feels like we just took this and now it's almost her second birthday. I want to embrace the moments, even the hard ones, because it doesn't last forever! 


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