Friday, December 12, 2014

Christmas walk and mommy thoughts.

Today started out a little rough, but ended well. Norah was up more than usual last night and wanting to feed more often, so I started the day extra tired. I am so thankful to have Norah here and to be able to serve her, but that doesn't mean I always have a joyful heart. I wish I did. Having a child is definitely a daily lesson in selflessness, because sometimes it's hard to get up in the night. Sometimes it's hard to have to not get done what you had planned because your child needs you. I struggle with that sometimes, because I like to be planned and organized. But, some days you don't get things done, and Norah's needs have to come first. 

Also, I was feeling discouraged with breastfeeding today. I am so incredibly thankful that it's gone smoothly and that Norah is eating successfully and growing well. I know there are some moms out there who desperately wish they could breastfeed, but can't for one reason or another. I am so grateful for this time, because breastfeeding your child is completely beautiful and an experience unlike any other. But, it's hard sometimes. It's really hard to be the only one that can feed her. Sometimes I selfishly wish other people could take a turn so I could have a short break. Even if I pump, it's not a break because I still have to pump in advance, and plan when I pump so I still have enough to feed her when she eats. And even if I pump a ton in advance to have a longer break, I am still making milk even if she isn't eating. 

I hope I don't come across as though I am complaining too much. I just felt overly tired this morning, which led to temporary heightened emotions. I love Norah so much and it's so amazing to be her mom. I wouldn't trade it for anything. But, that doesn't mean it's always easy. Sometimes parenting is difficult and hard. I was thinking about that today- about "good/bad" and "easy/hard." I don't want to say that any day is bad with her, because they are all good in a way, but some days are definitely easier and some are harder. Sometimes I feel like I am getting the hang of it and that we are getting into a good rhythm. Other days I feel overwhelmed and like I have no clue. I will probably feel like that forever! Thankfully, the days where I feel like I am getting it are coming much more often than in the beginning.

This afternoon Kley and I were able to get away for a bit, for the first time alone together away since she was born. Unfortunately, most of that time was spent at the dentist for our checkups. Yuck. Thankfully afterwards we were able to stop for ice cream and go for a walk. I am really thankful that we got that time today. I'm very thankful for a husband who listens to me and is really good at comforting and encouraging.

Tonight we also had a fun family dinner at home with chinese take out, and took a walk around the neighborhood to look at lights. It was really fun and so nice to spend time with my family. The day ended much better!

Keaton wanted to wear Norah in the carrier on the walk. :)

There's this one house near in the area that does a spectacular job each year. 


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