First Trimester weeks 6-12.

The first trimester is over! That feels so weird to say. It's going really fast (yet sometimes feels slow), all at the same time. I am so thankful for a smooth first trimester. I've heard many horror stories about how incredibly nauseous people were and throwing up multiple times per day- I'm so blessed that didn't happen to me. (I feel bad even saying that because I know so many people's first few months are not fun at all.) 

I have been incredibly hungry, much more so than usual. The times where I feel nauseous are when I feel hungry, which is a weird combination to feel really hungry yet sick at the same time. So, I pretty much just need to keep snacks with me at all times and I'll be okay. (To all the restaurants out there that serve bread or chips, or anything, while you are waiting for your food, you are genius and a life saver.) I have had a few random cravings (B-Bops, chicken strips, smoothies, and popsicles are a few that I specifically remember), but nothing that's been really strange or ongoing. The only thing that's really turned me off is cooking beef (I'm okay eating it, but cooking it is really gross), and restaurant leftovers. Which brings me to smell- I've been really sensitive to smell. I always am, but now so even more. The restaurant leftovers smell so bad. All of Kley's bodily functions smell even more horrible (which is lovely), and there is one mom at school who's perfume is so strong and so awful to me that I can barely stand to be in the vicinity of her without gagging. I haven't been wearing any perfume at all, and sometimes even have to avoid strong lotions. I've read that excess saliva is a symptom, which is very minor but has been happening. I read out loud a lot during my days, so I have to swallow more often. I have been tired, but thankfully it's pretty manageable and not too overwhelming. I've also been feeling extra sensitive emotionally. Kley has been so great in volunteering to make or pick up dinner (which would be something like mac and cheese or frozen pizza, but on occasional nights that's been exactly perfect), and in dealing with my emotions. I've apologized for my lack of patience with him, as I feel like I have to keep it all in at school and be super patient, kind, and encouraging all day and then I don't have much left when I get home. So, he's been great and definitely a keeper! I'm really excited to watch him be a dad. I know he will be great. 

So far, everything is looking good at the doctor! Our first appointment was so short (15 minutes), and it was just the ultrasound, which was so exciting. I had friends tell me about all the uncomfortable things they would do to you at the first appointment, so I'm thankful that it was short and exciting. Nothing uncomfortable and everything was looking good! They were able to do the regular stomach ultrasound and find the baby, so I didn't even have to have anything vaginal. 

The second appointment was not as much fun- drawing blood, cervical check, pap smear, medical questions, etc. But, at the end we got to hear the heartbeat! That was really great, but I personally liked the ultrasound better. I knew I was hearing our baby's heartbeat, but it was harder to connect to because I couldn't see anything. But, thankfully everything is looking good! At the first appointment the heartbeat was 175 and the second was 170. I had also gained 2 pounds at the second appointment (which was 11.5 weeks). Here are the belly pictures! (Also, have you heard of The Belly Book? A friend gave it to me and I have been filling it out each week. It's been really fun! If you are pregnant, you should definitely get it.)

Week 6 

I didn't take any pictures before this because I felt like there was nothing there, so why take a picture?

Week 7

Week 8

This is the first week Kley said he could notice a slight change in my belly.

Week 9

Week 10

Week 11

I really felt like I could notice a difference this week. It started to show through my shirts a little. Before you could never tell when I was wearing clothes.

Week 12

Tomorrow I will be 13 weeks! Yesterday I had a student and a parent at school tell me that they were starting to notice, so I think I'm getting bigger! My awesome MIL also sent me a super fun box of maternity clothes this week, so I have started my collection! It was so fun to get a few maternity things for the first time.

National Sibling Day.

So, apparently everyone was posting pictures for National Sibling Day. I didn't even know that was a thing. But, I do love my siblings, so here you go...

They are the best.

Good reads recently.

Kley and I recently started a new devotional (The Love Dare) and it's been really good! Here are two paragraphs from the past two days that I loved.

"Love, however, is your primary responsibility in marriage. Did you not vow to a lifelong love at the altar? Are you not the one God has privileged to fill your mate's love tank? And remember this: when your spouse deserves your love the least, that is when they need it the most. No one on Earth is more strategically positioned, commanded, and called on to love your mate than you are."

"What happens when someone is loved over the years? Their needs are met, dreams encouraged, opinions heard, and successes praised. They're assured of your patience and forgiveness when they fail, and free to express themselves honestly without fear of your judgment. They'll even weather intense seasons of disappointment with the stability your love supplies. Admit it- we'd all love to be loved like that."

Starburst got smart.

Starburst finally made my dream come true and made a FaveReds bag with only reds and pinks- strawberry, fruit punch, watermelon, and cherry. Genius.

Window seat is best.

I have always liked the window seat on planes. Here are some great pictures proving my point.

The roller coaster of waiting.

I have been thinking about this post for a long time, and debating about even writing it. I wanted to write about infertility and the roller coaster of trying/waiting to get pregnant.

I will be up front- I don't feel qualified to write this post in any way. It took Kley and I five months to get pregnant. I know and completely understand that there are others out there whose battles are much more hard, long, frustrating, and devastating. If you are experiencing a long and hard battle with trying to get pregnant, I feel for you. I have other friends who have been trying for a long time, and it's a hard journey of trying, waiting, and trusting Him.

I am grateful that it didn't take us longer than five months. In a way, it made it more special to actually get pregnant when we did, rather than it working on the first try. I cannot speak about seeing fertility specialists and seeking help, but I do know what it's like to feel the disappointment of seeing a negative test or getting your period.

For me, I quit taking pregnancy tests after two months. My period wasn't super consistent after stopping birth control, so I felt like I was feeling disappointment twice each month. I would feel disappointment when I took the test, but then get hopeful that it was wrong when my period was later, and then feel disappointed all over again when I got my period. My periods were also worse coming off of birth control, which made it even harder to feel content. It helped me to trust Him more by not thinking about pregnancy tests all the time, spending more money on buying them, and taking them multiple times.

Another thing that really bothered me was the advice that people gave:
"Just relax."
"It'll happen in His timing."
"It'll happen when it happens."
"Try not to think about it."
"Don't worry about it."
"Stop thinking about it and then it will happen."

I hated all of that advice. I hated it a lot and it made me feel even worse.  Even my doctor told me that, and I love my doctor. Yes, it is true that whenever you get pregnant, it is God's timing and He is perfectly sovereign over our lives. But, it can be really hard to be patient and trusting in the waiting when your timing for what you want doesn't line up with God's timing.

So, I vow never to say, "Just relax and try not to think about it" to anyone I know that's trying. The more people tell you not to think about something, the more you think about it, and a woman trying to get pregnant already spends more than enough time thinking about it.

There is a fine line between trying and trusting, and it's very hard to give advice about. It looks different for different people. Yes, you obviously still have to keep trying to get pregnant. But, you need to know yourself in what makes you worry. Is counting your days too much for you? Does taking ovulation predictor tests help ease your worries or make them more intensified? What about taking pregnancy tests?

For me, doing those things was too much. I worried and stressed too much, and it took my focus off of God. It was too hard to take ovulation predictor tests, count days exactly, and take pregnancy tests early. (I obviously counted my days enough to knew the general timing.)

I can't speak to those who have been on this journey for a long time. I pray for those of you who are, and that you have great people who can speak life into you and point you back to God. I know this is an extremely sensitive topic and one that's very heartbreaking for some. I don't want to make anyone feel bad, but I also want to talk about something that's not talked about very much. It's helpful to have people to talk to.

So, I guess I'll end on this: I'm not at all telling you to relax and stop thinking about it, because that's nearly impossible. I am trying to tell you to find what works for you. Try to discover what your limits are and what makes you worry more or less.

And, lastly, turn to God. Even if He is not granting your desire now, He still longs for you to turn to Him and give Him your tears, frustrations, and disappointment. God's plan is bigger than we will know, and sometimes that's hard to understand. Sometimes He says no or wait, but He still loves you unimaginably and endlessly.

Spring crafts.

1. Spring tree with colored tissue paper.

2. Dot marker cut out flower. (I really like this one. Easy and cute.)

3. Handprint flower.

4. Spring cookie cutter stamping with paint.

5. Umbrella with rain- I didn't actually do this one this week, but I should have. I've done it in years past.

And here are a few ideas that I didn't actually do at school, but I thought were so cute.