Friday, July 14, 2017

What it's really like to have infant twins: Worries and letting go.

I've been wanting to write about what it's really like to have (infant) twins for awhile now, and I decided to do it in installments, since I kept thinking about more things I wanted to say. During my pregnancy, I had so many wonderings and questionings about what it would really be like, and I found reading what other twin moms had to say helpful (most of the time- it if just makes you worry/freak out, then stop reading, because you will be fine). So, I'm adding to the mix. It's easy to post cute pictures, and not that that's bad, but I want to capture it all- to try to help other moms who are having twins, or just adding more to the family, and also to look back and remember myself.

A lot of the questions I thought about while pregnant are applicable to just adding a single baby to the family too, not specifically twins:

How can I love another baby like I love my first?
How can I handle more when I thought just one was hard sometimes?
How will I parent different personalities?
How will I give them each enough attention?
What will I do when they all need me at the same time?
How will I ever keep the house clean?
How long will it take to find a rhythm again?
How will I let things go? (Because I want to do it all!)

And, to be really honest, I wondered when I felt overwhelmed, why God chose me to be a twin mom. The newborn days with Norah were the hardest for me, so how would I ever do it with TWO babies, plus a toddler? I feared I would be bad at it. I feared I wouldn't have enough to give to two. I feared I would be too overwhelmed. I feared I would cry way too much. I feared I wouldn't be enough. I felt really guilty for thinking those things, because I truly was/am thankful, but that doesn't mean it's always dandy either.

It's okay to worry and be fearful, but don't let that consume you. What a great opportunity to bring your fears to Christ and claim your trust in Him. It helped me to just say my fears out loud to Kley (my husband) at the end of the day. Somehow just getting it out into the air made the weight feel lighter and the immensity of what was to come shrink a little. I remember just crying in the shower one night at about 31 weeks, and Kley eventually heard my sobs and just came in and held me, and then I felt much better even though nothing practically had been done. Just let it out. Don't bottle it up.

I am a very planned and organized person. I like to know what's coming. I like to make lists. I like to be clean. I like schedules. Having twins was very scary for me because all that is basically thrown out the window. Speaking His truth (sometimes over and over if you need to), was and is so helpful. Read and memorize verses that uplift you. When you feel worried, list them off to Him. He wants to hear and is always listening. While I worried why God chose me to be a twin mom, somehow He kept whispering to me that I GET to be a twin mom. That doesn't mean that I don't still wonder during the hard moments, but seeing their faces when they were born really helped. I get to be a twin mom. I get two babies. I get double the love and two sweet faces smiling at me. It's really comforting to me to know that He always knew this was going to happen to us. He planned for this and wrote it into my story from the beginning. We were shocked to find out, but He wasn't surprised by this in the least.

Some people don't care as much about their house, but I worried a lot about how I would ever clean again. I had a good rhythm before the twins arrived of laundry/ironing, cleaning, grocery shopping, rotating Norah's toys, etc. I was scared to lose that. And now that the twins are here, I can look at it differently- you won't lose it, it will just be different. I certainly don't clean like I used to, but it's temporary. One of the greatest gifts that my in-laws gave us when the twins arrived was someone to come help clean our house every other week. It's incredible. My MIL also has ironed all of Kley's work shirts and done some of our laundry. It can be really hard to accept help, but if people offer, let them. And if you really need it, ask. Sometimes I think too much about what the other person might be thinking (story of a woman's life probably), but then I think about how good it makes me feel to help others and how honored I feel if someone asks for my help. That (cleaning help) has been so helpful for me, because I feel like I can handle the daily grind of wiping counters, sweeping, vacuuming, etc. but the deeper things like scrubbing my showers is not happening right now, so I'm so thankful for help with the bigger/deeper things.

It frustrated me, before the twins arrived, when people would answer the tough questions like "you just will" or "you'll let it go because you just have to." I would think, "But you didn't tell me HOW that would happen!" It does just naturally happen because you truly just can't do exactly what you used to do, but just pick what's really important to you. It's comforting to my routine to still do things somewhat normal, just maybe at a slower pace or just not as many things as I used to.

I wish I could have magic words to cure your worries about adding twins, or a single, to your family, but only He can calm your worries. Try to take things a day at a time. That's hard for me, as a planner, but when you have three young children, you just have to pick the most important or highest demanding thing at that time and do it!

It's good for me to remember that Norah, Lucy, and Ellory will not remember our exact schedule or how clean our house was, but they will remember how we loved them and the fun that we had.


2 comments:

  1. Great advice!! You are an amazing mom, always an inspiration to me with your patience and kindness! We all have our moments of frustration but you are doing a great job by Gods grace!!

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    1. Thanks! I feel the same about you and so thankful for your friendship!

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