Friday, January 13, 2017

Can we love two more?

I am truly thankful to be pregnant and am incredibly grateful that God chose us to parent TWO more babies, but being pregnant the second time is different than the first for me. I worried about how to be a good parent when we were pregnant with Norah, but the ecstatic wonder about simply having a baby was more overpowering the first time around, because there's beauty in the naivety! I now know how hard it is to have a baby, and children in general, but I also know the deep, heart moving love that comes along with it. It's so worth it!

This time around, I find myself worrying about how we could possibly love more babies like we love Norah. I know we will and it will just happen, but I worry about it sometimes. Especially at night- there is definitely power in the light! The correlation between spiritual light and darkness is very neat, I think. Satan loves to use the darkness of night to make things seem more scary, more lonely, more intense, more overwhelming. I'm so tired, yet sometimes I still lay awake at night wondering what, if any, baby items are out there that we absolutely must get immediately. I wonder how I will meet three different children's needs. I wonder how I will handle it when I feel overwhelmed. I'm scared to feel like were just in survival mode, but I know it will be only temporary. What if they all need something at the same time? How will I be able to spend time with them individually? How can I foster three different personalities? What if Norah struggles with not getting as much attention? I feel like Norah and I have a good groove, and I'm scared to mess that up.

I'm sure I'm not the only one who worries about these things, and I know that these issues will come up. But I also know that He will provide the strength, patience, and grace that we need just when we need it.

Matthew 6:34- Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.

Philippians 4:6-7- Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

I find peace in that nothing is shocking to God. He always knew these babies and He always knew that they would be ours. He chose us specifically to be their parents, and I need to remind myself of that when I wonder what He was thinking in picking us.

I'm sure in some things we will have double the hardship, but I know we can do it, because I also know how wonderfully rewarding parenting is, and we get to do it doubly this time around. I don't know how, but somehow our hearts will just grow to love three. With how much we already love Norah, I may just burst by loving more.



I also read this article below the other day, which spoke to similar feelings!

Dear Mama who's twisted about having another baby

(Also, unrelated, but over New Years, Kley and I got to go to Omaha for the weekend, just us! It was a wonderful babymoon filled with lots of eating, ice cream, movies, shopping, and a couples massage! It was great to spend some alone time together before these babies come, and a huge thanks to Kley's parents for watching Norah!)

(I actually wrote this post a couple weeks ago, and was just letting it sit as a draft thinking about it, and Kley any I actually talked about this last night after another ultrasound. Just talking about it it so helpful! We both said the same thing- we know it will be so worth it and we know we will love them so much when we see their little faces and hold them, but sometimes it's easier to be overwhelmed when you can't picture it yet. Obviously we love them now, but it's different when you are actually holding them. We know they will fit into our family so perfectly, just like Norah did, but we can't see it fully yet. So, as scary as it is, bring it on! Can't wait to hold these sweet little loves.)


2 comments:

  1. I am sure it is so overwhelming at times when you think about it, but you forgot to mention how many people love you and will support you during the good and hard times. Thanks for being vulnerable with your readers, I know I have felt similar thoughts in parenting. So thankful for moms who have blazed the trail before us! 😁

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    1. You're so right- thanks for the reminder! We do have amazing support and we will have great help!

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