Sunday, January 13, 2013

The hole in my heart only You can make whole.

Sometimes I get upset over people making the same mistake over and over again. Sometimes I get upset over the same issue in marriage coming up over and over again. Sometimes I get upset over teaching my kids the same things over and over again.

Psalm 145:8- The Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love.

What a great verse! Thank you, Lord, that you ALWAYS embody this verse. I would like to consider myself a gracious, compassionate, slow to anger, and rich in love person. Sometimes I am. But a lot of the time I am selfish, impatient, quick to judge, and lacking love.

I am a type A person. I like to plan, know what's going to happen, and be organized. Mostly this is a good thing, but, sometimes your strengths can also be weaknesses (said wisely by my husband). This becomes a great weakness for me when I play God in my own life and try to live without Him.

I can't believe how many times I have had to relearn this lesson. Over and over again. Yet God always yearns for me to come back, always displays patience and forgiveness towards me, and never leaves.

This week wasn't very good for me. I felt grumpy and easily annoyed this week. It felt like a long week because it was the first full week back after break. I was grumpy because it was cold and the sun wasn't out. I was grumpy because my kids were misbehaving. I was not patient and loving like I should have been. I was grumpy because I had to go to a teacher training at night after working all day. I was grumpy to have to fast all day to give blood at the doctor after work. I was extremely grumpy to get a filling at the dentist. I was grumpy that Kley is still on Christmas break while I had to go to work and do those other things.

I also let my spiritual time slide this week, which only compounded the situation and made it so much worse. What I really needed was to fill myself up with Him to help me deal with the tasks I had to complete this week, but instead I grumbled to myself in my mind.

It's astounding how easily I forget God. I was driving yesterday, feeling grumpy and wondering why, and it hits me like a brick that my God-sized hole in my heart is gaping open, completely unfilled.

I am so thankful that God never forgets me, and He welcomes me back with open arms.

John 14:6- Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."

Jesus is the only way to true life.

I am thankful for a relaxing weekend to help me recharge after last week, and I am thankful for God's never ending love and forgiveness. This weekend I am thankful  I got to go to Target (and Kley even came with me!), order Olive Garden takeout and had my favorite soup for my sore mouth after a filling, watch a movie, catch up on sleep, see my best friend, have dinner with my family, and have a relaxing Sunday afternoon with Kley with great conversation/connecting.

Thank you, God, for blessing me even when I am grumpy, for rejuvenation, and for loving me even when I mess up. Thank you, God, for filling up the hole in my heart.

Not to us but to Your name be the glory.


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